A rollercoaster of emotion.

3 weeks without her and I was an absolute mess.

I was sick for the first time in 5+ years, my anxiety shot through the roof, I spent a lot of moments thinking I was having a heart attack due to pain in my chest which, the moment she returned went away. Physical symptoms of stress and anxiety are bizarre because when you get them, they are really there except what’s causing them is no physical fault.

It’s a funny time in life when you realise you’ve met the person that means so much that their absence literally debilitates your existence. The lack of their presence means you literals get physical stress symptoms that have you in the hospital getting an ECG. I’m a runner who completes sub 3 hour marathons, the last place I needed to be was getting my heart scanned but it hurt. Luckily for me, the scan was all good and I was congratulated on an athletic heart with good performance. Double lucky for me, she’s back and all the physical (as well as mental) stress has disappeared.

Always getting my food on point.

So, what else should I update you on? Well, you’ll notice that the last 3 weeks had a lack of posts. All round my productivity dwelled as much as my anxiety flared up. I still got my workout’s in, I ate well, I slept just fine, I even stayed on top of my day job but in the bits of downtime that I prefer to use as creative release went towards, you guessed it, mind numbing YouTube videos.

For those of you that don’t know, I’m completely off social media, I don’t use any of it. The only sites I use are YouTube and Strava. I don’t have any of the apps on my phone and I don’t have any active profiles on anything but Twitter which these blog posts automatically post too. The problem is, I can’t kick the habit of YouTube, but I have been especially bad lately. I guess the main issue is I can justify YouTube as productive as I pretend to my brain that I am ‘learning’ by watching the videos. The truth is, I learn a lot more from Podcasts, books and simply doing things rather than lazing on YouTube.

Purposefully watching a film is okay, mindlessly watching Youtube is not.

Anyway, the past 3 weeks are done and SHE IS BACK. I am ready for a new wave of productivity and I am so thankful that my anxiety has calmed right down.

So the next question is, how do I ensure I am more productive? A blog post challenge? Perhaps… Any suggestions?

Catch ya later kids.
BG