It’s been a minute but I’m still here. I’m still running, swimming, yoga-ing, teaching, living life, planning, trying to better myself everyday. The one thing I’ve been slacking on – writing. I’m sorry for the big delay between this post and the last, I promise I’ll make it up to ya some how…
So, where have I been? Well, everywhere and nowhere all at the same time. What does everywhere and nowhere mean? Let me explain.
The last post I wrote was on the Friday before I had a week off work, in which I did lots of my usual running, yoga, a bit of weight lifting, meditation and making then eating good food. It was a pleasant week off that I used to collect my thoughts and help prepare and plan a little further into the future. The plan’s more so have effected Laura in the short term, who is currently in Bali, Indonesia on her yoga teacher training course. Wow! I know, I’m so jealous and my most prevalent thought since she left is “why am I not there with her?”. Other than the obvious, “I am committed to a job”, I can’t really come up with a good reason as to why I didn’t also go out there with her. Honestly, it’s not an ideal thought as despite really enjoying the job I currently have, I do not plan on doing it forever and becoming a yoga instructor is actually on my goal list for this year.
However, I do think that this is her journey and universe has steered it in such a way that means that she has gone alone. This to me, must mean that she needs to be out there alone and take on this journey. I’m sure my part in the picture will occur soon enough. She’s back in 2 weeks and until then I’m venturing around alone. I must admit I miss her a great deal but I guess it would be a bad thing if I didn’t.
During half-term (I’m a teacher just incase you were wondering) I also visited my old stomping ground, Bushey, where I used to live and built my life as a young-er adult. It was nostalgic and it evoked a strange feeling. Walking around the old running routes and seeing spots that I used to sit and write songs, knowing that they were no longer my spots but just another street or bench. It is funny to look at where I currently am and know that one day it will also fall into being somewhere that is just another place I used to roam. I often think about my “heatmap”, an expression I use as the imaginary heat marks that are created by me everywhere I go and everywhere I have ever been. My parents house, for examples, would show bright yellow lines from all the years I have spent going there, Australia would just have faint red lines.
The question is, where do I want my heat map to extend to? Where do I want to go? And where do I want becoming a significant place full of bright yellow? I’m sure the universe will have some swing in this but I get a sense that it is not where I am right now. This isn’t to say I’m not happy where I am, I’m more than happy, I love it here. I just know that I don’t do settling into what is comfortable, that to me is a dangerous place. I need more and will inevitably fly off in search of new realm. Just like with my job, I love it and it gives me a great existence, but it’s far too comfortable to be somewhere I settle.
Who knows whats next? Just got to keep that heat map going.
I promise I’ll start posting a bit more regularly.
Much love.
BG
benedict. 